A letter for Takumi
by AutumnElf
Summary: Hi! Here's another story for our favorite couple! I hope you like it. :)
1. Chapter 1

To my ever dearest Takumi,

Wherever you may be right now, i wish you're happy. I wish you are surrounded by people who love you truly without any hidden agendas and etc. I sure hope with all my heart that your family finally accepted you as their own, as one of them, and finally able to use the "oh so great family name, Walker" as you say so sarcastically without sending chills to your spine. Hahaha!

There are so many things I'm dying to know…if only i could see you, talk to you, even just for one day, be that high school students we were before… happy days. Come to think of it, i never even heard anything about you year after you left. Honestly, it breaks my heart a little every time. NOT! Breaks my heart big time, every time. But what's done is over and gone, right? So why can't i move on like everyone else? Like you? How did you do it? Cope with the after effects? I mean, you disappeared without a trace. Well of course during that time you and your family were on the news (scandal) as you call it. Everywhere, newspapers, television, radio, magazines and even on the internet, but without a single trace of "me" in your new life? So you can just imagine how it tortured me to see your face everywhere when all i ever wanted is to forget you. Crazy! But i deserved every bit of pain.

Well the last thing i heard about you is that you are doing great with your grandfather's businesses. Actually there's nothing new about it. I mean, you can do anything; nothing is way impossible for Usui Takumi…except getting back to me.

Takumi, are you still mad at me? Do you hate me still? That you totally buried all of our memories? Or my existence because of what i did? What i said? We both know it was a big lie! That saying i don't love you anymore is a stupid lie! Why did you believe me? Why did you walk away when i told you to? Why didn't you stay when i asked you to leave? Why did you ignore me like i wished you would? Why? Can't you see pass my pretense? Can't you tell that I'm lying? Can't you feel that i am dying to be with you? Or maybe, you're the one who's running out of love? But it's all over.

If you'll ever read this, which i know you wouldn't, i just want you to know that i am truly sorry. I know that my apology can never ever compare to the amount of hurt i caused you. And even if i say sorry for a million times, day and night, i don't deserve to be forgiven. There is not a day that passed that i didn't feel guilty, hurt, miserable, hating and disgusted with myself for following your grandfather's orders! If only i could turn back time, but i can't. I'm a coward.

Again, i am truly sorry. I love you Takumi to the moon and back, and i guess i always will. I know that there's no sense in saying all of these now, but somehow I'm still hoping, praying not to be forgiven, or to be loved back, but to simply let you know my side of this tragic love story. I will give up everything just to have another chance to make things right.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me Takumi, and you will always be. The best person i ever had. My enemy, my greatest rival, my bestfriend , my hero, and most of all, my love.

I said this before and i will never grow tired of saying this… you are my home.

I am terribly missing you, and i'm so tired of wondering around with an empty heart. Takumi; i want to come home.

From Misaki Ayuzawa

7pm at my office. Finally! Time to go home.

*3 knocks then my door opened. Sakura entered my office.

"Are you ready to go Misaki?

"I ahm… almost, Sakura" i answered in panic as i quickly gathered the papers scattered on my table without taking my eyes off her.

"Then hurry up! I'm starving"! She whined.

"Ok just give me a minute." I smiled apologetically.

"K then. I'll go downstairs to check on something, I'll wait for you outside. Hurry up ok?" She said while closing the door.

"Yeap! it'll be quick!" i half yelled while i was typing on my laptop.

G M AI L compose

AyuzawaMisa07

To: TakumiUsui07

Subject: Another stupid letter you will never read.

Compose email: (the letter above)

Then i confidently pressed on " SEND" button.

"There" i mumbled.

This is the second letter i wrote for him this year, January 02, 2017. Been writing letters for Takumi each and every day. Ever since we separated with each other, for 5 years. Pathetic right? Telling him about the things i never had the chance to tell him personally. But i am a coward, been sending this letters/emails to his dead account. The one he already abandoned… like me.

I don't have his new one, or if he ever has one, i don't know. I don't have the courage to get it or something… i just can't. I don't want to hurt him more. Even if i'm dying to communicate with him again.

Anyway, for God knows why i still hope for something to happen, like writing a letter each and every day would take me somewhere near him. Or am i waiting for a sign? But, what sign? Something like that. To be honest… i don't know.

After i checked it for the second time to make sure i sent it, i logged out my account and turned off my Laptop.

I sighed after turning off the light and closing my door.

7:30am at the office.

I am 30 minutes early as usual, always the first one to arrive. I sat on my chair and turned on my laptop to check on my mails. I scrolled my sent items… noticed something different…i can't figure it out at first, but then i realized the little red word on the side of every email i sent "SEEN".

I almost fell on the floor. I felt like all my blood just drained out of my body, my chest tightened and i felt like I'm about to faint.

But that wasn't all… a notification popped up "1 reply from TakumiUsui07 gmail .com.

And… i just died.


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't love you anymore" is on repeat inside my head again, Misaki. Like a sad lullaby sending me to sleep every night for 5 years. If i didn't know better i am probably gone by now. It wasn't the words you said that killed me inside that day; it was the look in your eyes. It is begging me to believe your lies, begging me to just agree with you and just walk away.

For maybe the 3rd time in my life, i saw fear in your eyes. I can't blame you and i never will. I know how evil my grandfather can be and you don't deserve one bit of pain caused by him. I know that every word you said meant the opposite, Misa. I don't know if you will ever get it, but i can see pass your pretense. I know your every weakness and strength. We both know it was all a big lie! But with all honesty, the effort you put in to lie to me that day was pretty amazing, but then again you were never good at lying.

What you said was painful but it never made me question my love for you. "I love you more than anything. That is why i am willing to do everything just to protect you, even if it meant turning away and leaving no trace of my existence in your life. I love you and i will never grow tired of saying it.

I am sorry for believing you. I am sorry for doing what you wanted. I am sorry for not even trying to see you again. I am sorry.

The first year was the hardest though, my world turned upside down with just one blink of an eye! I lost everything… i lost you. I felt so weak. I lost control over everything. My life totally changed. Even my social media accounts were taken down. Every means of communication was lost. Every chance of seeing you was crushed to bits. It was…hell.

At first i tried my best to protest and revel. I did everything i could to do the right thing and run back to your arms, but i learned the hard way that if i kept on going against them, I am putting your life in danger.

So i began doing what they want and started working myself to death. It became my addiction for 5 years. It's my only way to escape harsh reality. Despite all my success in the business world and becoming unbeatable, i never felt happy. I became a monster; not allowing anyone to stand in my way. Becoming number 1 is my ultimate goal. Been knocking down competitors one by one as fast as i could to reach the top, whether the dirty or the decent way. All for my grandfather's "Oh so great family name" (which for some reason always sending chills through my spine! I can only imagine you laughing whenever i say so, Misa.) and his pocket!

The reason behind all of this?

A chance to get a hold of my freedom again, but i know better than to expect anything…at least not yet.

I began to gain the trust of very influential people and business tycoons, which made my success become easier and easier with their help. And most of all, i am slowly gaining my grandfather's trust.

In everyone's eyes my life is perfect. Perfect that i have everything a man my age could ever wish for. Wealth, fame, power, anything you can think of, except one…Misaki Ayuzawa.

People around me either bow down to me, want to be me or use me for their own convenience. None of them truly cares for me or even bothering to ask what i really want or what i really need. Overrated? Suit yourself to think that way. It is what it is.

I hardly show myself to the public though; going out of my comfort zone which is my house/office is pissing me off. But whenever i can't avoid circumstances on dealing with those greedy, lazy pigs…i let them see what they want to see.

In the process of my success my heart was also torn apart. I dwelt with the pain I'm feeling messily. I drag myself to bed drunk every night. There were nights when alcohol doesn't work anymore so i had to take comfort on some strong sleeping pills to take away my misery, all for the sake of putting myself to sleep. But whenever I'm asleep nightmares swallow me whole, dragging me to that day i lost you. Moments where i no longer know what's worse… staying asleep or waking up to reality.

5 months ago.

It was one of those ordinary busy days at my house (and office) where i am working on some paper works when my secretary John came in (the only person that is allowed to get in and out of my house. The only person i trust and basically my right hand. He is a friend or maybe like a brother to me) and greeted me politely…

"Good afternoon, Mr. Walker"

I stared at him and smirked while i adjust my eyeglass.

"What's up with the sudden formality, John? You know how much i get uneasy whenever you call me by that name". The guy just gave me an uncomfortable smile which confirmed my thoughts

"Come on say it" I said as i run my fingers through my hair.

"You need to attend a very important meeting with the big guys (business partners) this weekend" He said plainly.

"Is there any possible way to avoid them? You can cover for me, right?"

"I'm afraid not, Sir. Your grandfather specifically orders you to personally go".

I grimaced upon hearing his words. "Fine then"! I said in annoyance as i rested my head on the table.

"But wait, there's more, TAKUMI USUI"! He said, this time with a hint of playfulness in his voice. The way he said my name this time made me nervous. This guy has the craziest ideas sometimes. I threw my head back up and glared at him, only to see him grinning. "WHAT"? I demanded to know.

"You need to promise me a salary increase first"! He said while chuckling.

"Say it now or I'll make you suffer for the rest of your life"!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA you can't. You're too kind to do that". So sure of what he's saying.

"Fine! This better be good"! I said exasperated. Sometimes i wonder how i dealt with this guy for years; he is childish, crazy and super nosey. But in all fairness, his loyalty is unwavering. Plus, he knows a hell lot about Misaki! He took every bit of info he could when i was extremely drunk few years ago. He wanted to help me ever since. Somehow i felt relieved to have someone to open up with about my miserable life.

"Ok here goes"! He said excitedly while pulling a chair in front me and sat there. "Remember my awesomely hacking expert friend? The guy who gets paid millions to hack government accounts?"

"Ahmmmmm y-yeah,why? (my palms got sweaty, and for some reason i felt nervous all of a sudden.) What did you do?! Oh please don't tell me you told him about me"?! I said, feeling mix emotions like fear and annoyance!

"Yeap"! He answered confidently. I felt my blood boiling, i clenched my fist.

"I told you not to say anything to anyone"! I said through greeted teeth! Now it's his turn to tense up.

"Hey, calm down Takumi" he said waving his hands on me. "I didn't say anything about you; i just asked him for some help or any possible ways to access or retrieve your old accounts (social media). Promise! I didn't say anything"! And before i could even react, he handed me a piece of paper. I didn't take it and eyed it suspiciously. He gave up and just laid it on my table.

"What is this"?

"Probably your ticket to Miss PERFECT" he answered with a smug! He stood up and started walking towards the door.

"Wait"! I yelled but he didn't even turn around to look at me, instead he just raised his right hand and waved. Then he said "don't forget about the meeting" and walks out of the door, leaving me nervous with this piece of paper.

I took a deep breath as i examine the paper, written here are detailed instructions and lots of codes to access my old accounts. First off, my Gmail account. A wave of excitement growing inside me, the urge to do it right then is extreme! But i need to hold myself back. I need to think it through. Just the thought of having a chance to communicate with Misaki again is really overwhelming. But i have to do it right, or this could be all for nothing. This is my only shot.

I stood up for a moment, thinking deeply. I sat back again and started typing on my laptop. I went to connection setting and disconnected my device to the current network i was connected with and some more things to make sure it wouldn't notify my grandfather when i start accessing my account. I turned on my personal (secret) internet connection and followed the instructions carefully until i made it!

After logging in, the words "retrieving data…" kept flashing on the screen and the longer it's taking, i'm feeling weirder and weirder! The waiting is driving me insane!

Until…

INBOX

All mail: 2.5k unread mails

Social: 600+

Important: 1.7k

Etc.

I clicked on "Important" and to my surprise, the name "AyuzawaMisa07" flooded my screen. Almost all messages belong to her. I stared at my screen for a couple of minutes to make sure i am reading it right, making sure that it wasn't just hallucination or a dream!

I scrolled for her oldest message; it was the day we parted ways. I took another deep breath and prayed silently. My chest and throat tightened, my stomach felt like it's been poked with something sharp over and over again.

I clicked her oldest mail, it was a letter. In no time i started reading it and it brought back so many memories and pain. She kept on repeating the words "I am sorry". As i continue reading i felt my body shaking and tears began to fall.

I know Misaki by heart. Everything that i thought about that day proved true. She never wanted to hurt me. She was just threatened by my grandfather. It was both a relief and torture to finally hear the truth from her. I tried to smile but then i started sobbing like a child. I couldn't stop my tears from falling so i gave in instead. I cried myself to sleep that night.

PRESENT

Ever since that night, reading Misaki's letters became my obsession. Like my very life depends on it. One letter after another, i found out about her regrets, her sorrow, her anger, her guilt, everything, but most of all, of how sorry she was and her undying love for me. She wrote me a 5 years' worth of letters.

No matter how much it hurts me, it gave me hope that one day we could be together again. We just need to hold on a little bit more.

This also became my new secret. I have to be very careful about it, which includes not leaving any signs that something like this is currently happening, even to Misaki itself. So i made it a habit to mark each and every letter "UNREAD" after reading it for a hundred times maybe. I also made my log in info private so she wouldn't know my account was active again. I also memorized her time pattern upon logging in and the time she sends her letters every night, between 6 to 8pm. You can only imagine me like a puppy waiting for its master in front of my laptop's screen. But it's all worth it… she is worth it.

January 02 2017

It's been 5 years and here i am waiting for another letter. Sometimes i wonder if she'll ever get tired of doing this… what if all of a sudden she wouldn't send me letters anymore.

It'll definitely be the death of me…

I was so lost with my own thoughts when i noticed the clock, it was almost 9pm. I excitedly logged in my account and there it was, flashing. The precious notification I've been waiting for, for the whole day.

(From Misaki's letter)

"I am terribly missing you, and I'm so tired of wondering around with an empty heart.

Takumi; i want to come home".

.

For quite some time now i got used to the pain all her letters brought me, but this time there's something different, she's different.

As i lay down on my bed that night, her last words kept playing inside my mind. It was as if she's already tired of it all, and it scared me so much. If I'm right about it, then my biggest fear is about to happen. She will stop writing and maybe…forget me and move on with her life. I can't let that happen! Not now, not ever!

Realizations keep crushing inside my head until i couldn't take it anymore. I jumped out of bed and run towards my laptop. For the fifth time this night, i opened her letter again.

"It's time, Takumi" i told myself "you can't let her drift away again"

So i clicked on "REPLY" bracing myself for whatever may come next.

To AyuzawaMisa07

"We will always be each other's home. See you soon my Misaki".

Love,

Takumi Usui

I shut my eyes tight as i pressed on "SEND".

Just like that… and i feel so alive again!

A/N

Hi there!

I'm sorry it took me this long to update. To be honest, i wasn't really planning on doing so because i thought no one would like it. I was really overwhelmed with the positive reviews on the first chapter. Thank you very much.

By the way, to those who like to make a story out of the idea in the first chap, it is totally fine with me.

Thank you for reading.

Sorry for my bad English.


End file.
